The first night with our little Abby

The first night at the hospital was one of the worse nights of my life lol!! I hadn't slept since I gave birth and I didn't sleep that whole night..so like almost 48 hours... Our beautiful baby screamed non-stop...! I kept trying to nurse her and she constantly acted hungry, but the newness of nursing prevented wither of us from being satisfied. I couldn't figure it out and I felt so lost and angry and upset and I was in pain! I wanted to forget the whole thing..! Abby screamed for hours on end and nothing I could do would make her stop. At some point about 1:00 am I was walking around our room and was crying just as loud and hard as she was. I felt like such a failure..I felt so alone...I didn't know what to do. Justin finally convinced me to call the nurse and see if they could watch her for a bit. I was so scared to let her go...! I ended up getting an hour of sleep before I woke up and got upset thinking, wheres my baby?!?!? I called the nurses station and they said they'd bring her back. She was quiet for a little bit but then began screaming again! This went on all night...but I still loved her so much... and just pushed through it..!

I swear I had crazier pregnancy hormones AFTER pregnancy than before. I wasn't really emotional before, but AFTER..man oh man..I was a basket case. I cried so much. Cried happy tears, cried sad tears, cried overly stimulated tears..it was insane..! I've never felt so emotionally out of control in my life!

At some point the next day, a pediatrician from our pediatrician's office came to see Abby. Our ped is Dr. Robert Velarde. The ped that saw us was Dr. Pilar Bradshaw. We originally wanted to be Dr. Brashaw's patients, but she wasn't accepting new clients so we went with Dr. Velarde. Maybe someday we can switch over! ;-) Dr.  Velarde was on vacation, so Dr. Bradshaw came. She was AMAZING! IS amazing! I just absolutely loved her! When she came to see Abby she did a great job talking to us about expectations, things to watch for etc. She noted that Abby was pretty jaundice and also lost some weight. I was so emotional and was crying when Dr. Bradshaw was talking to me about how feedings were going. I told her they weren't going well at all and I began sobbing! I remember feeling so helpless and feeling like I couldn't provide for my baby..she reassured me everything was ok and if I was comfortable to give her some formula we could try that. So we did, I was so relieved to have something in her tummy! Abby was also VERY happy! She was silent and sleeping. It made me feel very relieved! Thank you Dr. Bradshaw for your caring nature and for helping us all feel a lot better! Abby's jaundice cleared up enough at the hospital to send us home, but we had to see the doc shortly after to make sure her jaundice fully cleared up. It did and her weight started going up too! :-)

Breastfeeding SUCKS for the first few weeks...I hated it! I had so many problems that I'm not going to mention...I even wanted to switch to formula so many times..but I stuck it out, met with a million lactation consultants and got as much help as possible to succeed. Finally about 4 weeks later I was feeling better and was able to feed Abby properly! For all of you mommies to be...I encourage you to stick with breastfeeding for as long as you can! Its the best thing for your baby and once you get past those first weeks it's so easy! You might have to grit your teeth or chew on a stick to get through it, but once you do you'll be so proud of yourself! I know MANY of the lactation consultants in our area lol so if you need help ask me who to go to! They are incredibly helpful and knowledgeable! Use this service!! I used them at the hospital eversay, multiple times a day lol!


When we came home from the hospital, our house was FREEZING because we left the heat off to save some money! I remember freaking out and began crying again! I literally had about five blankets around Abby trying to keep her warm and I was hysterical. I think Justin thought I lost my mind...! Justin left to go to the store to pick up my prescription and I just sat there crying until he returned..! I never want to feel that crazy again lol!